we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sorry about my life...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
