Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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