During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
