I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
