Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize