Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
