The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
