I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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