I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
