Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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