Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
