you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
