I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
