Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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