Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
