My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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