paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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