why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is wine microwaveable?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
