i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
