I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
