chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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