u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
