I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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