Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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