i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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