why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
