My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
