And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
