good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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