so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
