i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
