From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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