i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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