Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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