when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
