well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
