I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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