btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize