i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize