you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
