i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
