2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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