Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
