I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
