i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
