I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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