my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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