I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
