I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
