seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
