so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
