god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
