So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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