im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
