just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
