i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
3 2 1 whiskey
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
