You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
