Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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