Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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