i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
