we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
