He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize