I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
