So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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