Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
