sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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