Cold hands, warm shart.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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