Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize