Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
